Marriage is a sacred journey, a divine partnership designed to amplify purpose, joy, and fulfillment. In a heartfelt conversation hosted by Ikeoluwa Akano, Mr. and Mrs. Ashiru, a couple celebrating 20 years of marriage, shared their inspiring story of love, faith, and intentionality. Their wisdom offers practical and spiritual insights for singles, engaged couples, and married partners striving to build a thriving, Christ-centered marriage. Here are the soul-stirring lessons from their journey to cultivate a marriage that flourishes.
1. Trust God’s Timing for Love
The Ashirus’ love story began unexpectedly, showcasing God’s ability to orchestrate life’s most beautiful moments. Mr. Ashiru, an architect and pastor, wasn’t seeking romance when he visited a law office to rent a house in Nigeria. “I went looking for a house and I found a wife,” he shared with a smile. Mrs. Ashiru, working as a receptionist, felt an immediate divine prompt: “As soon as I stepped in the door, I heard clear and clear, this may be your husband.”
2. Seek Divine Guidance
Their meeting was rooted in prayer and surrender. Mr. Ashiru had spent years seeking God’s guidance to avoid mistakes in marriage, and a moment of divine clarity—“Have you considered her?”—sealed his decision with peace that surpassed understanding. For singles, their story highlights the importance of trusting God’s timing and focusing on His purpose.
3. Embrace Marriage as a Multiplier
Ikeoluwa Akano describes marriage as a “multiplier,” amplifying individual and collective potential. The Ashirus embody this through their complementary dynamic.
4. Complement Each Other’s Strengths
Mrs. Ashiru’s spontaneous, action-oriented nature balances Mr. Ashiru’s calm, strategic approach. “Your go needs a check,” she said, noting how her husband’s practicality anchors her energy, creating a partnership that fuels growth.
5. Prioritize Unity Over Uniformity
Rejecting the idea that couples must pursue a single, uniform vision, they prioritize unity over conformity.
6. Support Bold Dreams
Mr. Ashiru left a draining job to start his own consultancy, supported fully by his wife despite the risks. Mrs. Ashiru made the bold choice to leave a high-flying career to focus on family, a decision her husband embraced after seeking God’s guidance.
7. Root Your Marriage in Shared Values
Their mutual support shows that a thriving marriage empowers both partners to pursue their dreams while staying rooted in shared values.
8. Approach Conflict with Boundaries
Conflict is inevitable, but the Ashirus approach it with grace and intention. Mrs. Ashiru emphasized setting boundaries: “You don’t insult each other. You don’t demean each other.”
9. Fight the Problem, Not Each Other
She views conflicts as opportunities to solve problems together, stating, “It’s us against the world.” This mindset ensures disagreements strengthen their bond.
10. Use the “Touch Test” for Peace
Mr. Ashiru shared a practical “touch test” for unresolved tension: a gentle touch in bed that meets stillness signals peace, while a recoil indicates lingering issues.
11. Forgive Through Prayer
His commitment to forgiveness, driven by a fear of God and a desire to make heaven, is reinforced by prayer: “The more you pray for someone, the more you love them.”
12. Protect Your Marriage Fiercely
A thriving marriage requires fierce protection, and the Ashirus guard theirs with clear boundaries. Mrs. Ashiru declared, “We protect our marriage with our very lives because this is our life.”
13. Link Boundaries to Identity
She links boundaries to identity, noting, “If you have unresolved issues in your life, you are not going to be able to draw boundaries.” Overcoming insecurities, like people-pleasing, is key.
14. Communicate Boundaries Clearly
Mr. Ashiru compared boundaries to a locked gate: “If the gate is not locked, anybody can open and come in.” By communicating boundaries clearly—to family, friends, or careers—they ensure their marriage remains a sacred space.
15. Prioritize Family Over External Pressures
This commitment to prioritizing family over external pressures is a blueprint for couples seeking to safeguard their relationship.
16. Model a Healthy Marriage for Children
As parents, the Ashirus understand that their marriage shapes their children’s view of love and relationships. Mrs. Ashiru emphasized, “Underestimate the power of living a good life… Your children are internalizing the atmosphere you’ve created.”
17. Create a Loving Home Environment
By fostering a home filled with love, joy, and open communication, they model a healthy marriage for their teens and preteen, showing authenticity in both conflict and resolution.
18. Relearn as a Parent
Mr. Ashiru highlighted “relearning” as a key parenting principle, adapting to his children’s needs despite his experience with teens. This humility ensures their children grow up with a positive vision of marriage.
19. Let God Lead (Singles)
For singles, Mrs. Ashiru advises, “Let the Lord lead you. A deep relationship with the Lord will guide you in every area of your life.”
20. Seek Help Without Shame (Married Couples)
For married couples, she encourages seeking help: “It’s not too late to seek the answers you need. Don’t struggle alone.” Mr. Ashiru underscores the power of prayer: “When I’m angry with her, I’m praying for her. When I’m happy, I’m praying for her.”
Embracing a Thriving Marriage
The Ashirus’ 20-year journey is a powerful reminder that marriage can be a vibrant, fulfilling partnership when rooted in faith, intentionality, and love. As Ikeoluwa Akano noted, “There are a lot of people enjoying their marriage, just living the Eden life.” Whether you’re preparing for marriage or navigating it, let their 20 secrets inspire you to build a relationship that thrives. Prioritize faith, embrace unity, resolve conflicts with grace, set boundaries, and live a life that models love for the next generation.
What’s one step you’ll take today to build a thriving marriage or prepare for one? Share your thoughts below, and join us for more conversations on creating joyful, purposeful relationships.